Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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