i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
