there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
