Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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