In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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