My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
