We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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