do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
