Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
