oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
