You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
