Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
