Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What a dumb baby whore.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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