yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
