make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
