why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
