i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
