lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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