Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
