my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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