You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
