True but thats because hes a fetus.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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