Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
