I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
