Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
