Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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