Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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