So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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