please come you make the beer taste better
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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