i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
