I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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