you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
