Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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