I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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