wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
