I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
