Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
