Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Randomize
