i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
