That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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