dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
