I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
