Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
