I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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