i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
