Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
