Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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