Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
