dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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