I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
