Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I came so hard my ears popped.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
