giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
