I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
