pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
